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Jonas

When I first me her she was beautiful. Everyone thought so. And we were in love. Or so she kept telling me. I never knew what love was. Something poets make up to sell Hallmark cards and flowers. Just another business. Someone with their hand out.

Kimberly was from a fine family. They did not approve of me although they hardly knew me. If they had known more about me, their opinion would have been more justified.

We met at a company Christmas party. She'd had a little too much to drink. And I hadn't enough. I fucked her outside the banquet hall in a snow drift.

About a month passed. Then Kim started to call me. One day I found her standing at my office door. She looked beautiful. I told her to come in and have a seat. I closed the door behind her and as I passed behind her I drew my finger along her shoulder. She had the most exquisite skin. I could feel my trousers tightening.

I leaned back in my chair.

“I was going to call you,” I said.

“I'm pregnant,” she replied.

I rocked back and forth in my chair. Still smiling. What the fuck does she want from me?

“Congratulations,” I said.

“It's yours,” she said.

“Why don't we talk about it over dinner.”

We moved in together. Marriage was discussed. As was abortion. I didn't have the stomach for either. Kimberly got into the whole domestic thing. Fixing up the apartment. Inviting friends over. Hers. I had few friends except for the guys I played hocked with on Friday nights. I still dated other women. Kimberly didn't seem to notice. But then she got needy. She had started to show. And nag. I don't remember the first time I hit her.

One day I got home and her brother Scott was at the door. He beat the crap out of me. I deserved it. No doubt about it. I arranged for Kimberly to get an abortion. And gave her cab fare. Before she left, she turned and spoke to me.

“You really are a scoundrel.”

I shrugged my shoulders.

......................................from my ebook 'Domestic Violence'

AN OLD MAN GOES MAD COOKING DINNER

What was I thinking is what I want to know.

A splinter drives his ugly head up and under my fingernail. How much pain does it take to wear you out? And is there some kind of plan to flay the poor. And make a purse for the rich man's heart.

Jesus is a wrist watch. That never keeps time. But at least it distracts you from the point of getting older. My only concern about time is how much I have left.

I wait at my window. For the sun to arrive. And watch the young girls on the corner looking so pretty. As their boys strut back and forth. Like cocks along the avenue.

I turn my head back to the table. I thought you should know. That isn't pudding on your plate.

..............................................download My Hair Is On Fire

Original Sin

I feel guilty. I haven't done anything evil but still I feel as if I should confess to Father Flanagan. He gave me God's forgiveness and penance. Saying Holy Marys. I have my doubts about the whole thing. But maybe that is my sin. Maybe doubting is the Original Sin. Dad said Original Sin was particular to the Irish. The English didn't seem to carry such a weight.

.............................download 'Down East'

The Lesson

Sometimes Lucas would come into Charlottetown and pick me up on the weekend. Later that night we would go to a dance at the school. Lucas was my beau, although there wasn't much 'beauing' going on between us. But he had a car and he was smitten with me. And what girl doesn't like to be adored. One time I caught the eye of another fellow at the dance. He was tall and handsome and so charming. Melvin was his name. We danced. He drove me home. I'd forgotten all about Lucas. When I got into the house, I was met by mom and her stick. She thrashed me across the back of my legs. Dad had to take the stick off her. 'You come home with the boy that took you to the dance,' she screamed.

..............................download "Down East"

Nightmare

I have a nightmare. We are all asleep in our house. The barn has settled down with the pigs and horses nodding off. In the field next to the barn, the cows are grazing. The moon is full. In the distance a fire is raging. And heading toward us. I told John about my dream. 'If there was a fire, the dogs would be a howling.' In my next nightmare the dogs were howling.

.........................download "Down East"

I Was Born Restless

I was born restless. The oldest. Not the first. A boy before me. Died after a few weeks. He was never given a name. John was born after me. And then another unnamed. And then all of my sisters. I wish I would have been born a boy. To run through the fields like a wild dog. To skinny dip in the local river. To laugh my head off. And not worry about what the ladies at church thought. To get off the Island and head west.

...............................download 'Down East'

The Peasants Revolt

In 1517 Martin Luther stapled his 95 Theses to a telephone pole. His kids warned him that he was moving too fast. he just laughed and declared that the future was just beyond the headlights... he meant headlines. In the next decade he joined the Princes to put down the Peasants Revolt. Thousands died.

But that's the cost of moving the future, he declared.

...............................download "GO"

Like Charles Manson

A poet leans against the sliding doors like a spatula. Anger in his Charlie Manson eyes. Eggs spitting fat. What are you looking at. Old man. I may be jaundice but I could break you like a twig.

.........................download GO

Beghards of Privilege

The woman who taught you at Vassar. Were liars. Ivy League poets line up in Beguines' bed sheets, hanging from clothes lines. flagellation in the wind. The pornography of sensitivity. The order of Beghards of Privilege.

..........................download GO