THE SANDMAN PROJECT – Episode Four
THE GREAT GATSBY
[CAMERA… While the credits are rolling, the camera pans across a desk. The desk is messy. On it as permanent features are: a half empty cup of black coffee, an ashtray with cigarette butts spilling over onto the desk, a baseball, a paper mache vase made by a child with plastic flowers in it, several framed pictures containing members of a family, a computer, a monitor running a screen saver, a Save the Seals button, a couple of pens, a laundry receipt, and a clear plastic candy wrapper. Photographs of the main characters of our drama are paper-clipped to folders scattered across the desk. One folder is open. The main character David Faster smiles at the camera. The page opposite is marked up in red ink.
[MUSIC… a harmonica piece in the vein of the Rockford Files plays in the background. Overheard is a taped audio message from the School Board describing Mr. Faster’s supply teaching assignment for that day.
“Mr. Faster your assignment today is English Literature. You will be replacing Mr. Lupidor. Part of our new policy regarding Supply Teachers is that they take on added duties. Mr. Pound, our principal, has requested that you wash his car. Everything you need will be available in the Maintenance Room.”
[CAMERA… After the credits have appeared the screen cuts to white and then slowly copy begins to roll up the screen:
“Government has too long been left
the sole responsibility for the education
of the young people of our province.
The private sector has a role to play
in the future of our nation.
Where better to mould the minds, skills and souls
of our children than in the market place.
The future is too precious to do any less.”
Assistant to the Deputy
Minister of Education
Province of Ontario, 1995
[CAMERA… Shot of opening title:
A MARVELLOUS CONFESSION
FADE to white. CUT to CLOSE UP of the face of Bill Marvellous. He has a congenial smile, which flashes across his face involuntarily. Periodically his white eyebrows flicker on his forehead as if they were struggling to free themselves from his face.
MEDIUM SHOT… Marvellous looks down, playing nervously with his fingers, digging dirt out from under his nails. Bill Marvellous is dressed in the orange outfit of the jail. He sits on a stool, identical to David Faster in previous episodes. Occasionally he takes a deep breath and shoves his chest out arrogantly only to have it collapse once again into his thoughts.
MARVELLOUS: “What have I become? Thousand dollar suits have been rewoven into these robes. Nothing rhymes with orange except convict. I have always tried to conduct myself in a manner befitting my station in life. What is my station, now? I am not an enemy of the state, a pariah, an outlaw. If our society lasts a thousand years you will not find a more trusted servant. And if the West is in decline, allow me to be one of its beloved pallbearers. I will weep softly over the burning corpse.”
[CAMERA… CUT to slightly different angle
“I understand that by turning Crown’s evidence I will be offered immunity from future persecution. To relieve my family and friends of further suffering, I have consented to plead guilty to some minor violations of the law. I would also like to state for the record that I cannot find any guilt in my heart. If I am guilty of anything it was the squandering of my faith on those who would deceive a kind and trusting creature.”
[CAMERA… Bill Marvellous rises from his chair. He is unsure of what to do next. He looks around for direction. In a kind of bewildered haze he sits back down.
MARVELLOUS: “I inherited Marvellous Educational Supplies and Services from my dad… father-in-law. The old man is retired in a small cottage on the coast of Ireland nursed by my dear daughter, Samantha… step-daughter. What a comfort she has been since my recent ill fortune. Charges that she was in any way involved with these events are monstrous. And as to the smut the tabloids have printed… I will not honour them with a comment. Granted, her mother was committed to a sanitarium. Mental illness is not a crime. And this idle speculation about some incestuous relationship between my step-daughter and my father-in-law. The old man is in his eighties for Christ’s sake! Certainly the old man has a bit of a romantic flair. And in his youth, he met all the tabloid credentials for scandal. And Samantha could have used better judgment in posing for those pictures. But, they were tastefully done, I am led to believe. We’ve all been under a great deal of stress. Can I leave now?”
[CAMERA… Bill Marvellous looks around for permission to leave his cell. Finding none, he slouches. For a few moments he says nothing. There is rough cut in the tape and once more Marvellous is sitting up erect on his stool and speaking into the camera.
MARVELLOUS: “In the first few years of my directorship, the company did pass through some dark days. The bottom fell out of the dollar. There was the energy crisis. I started to lose my hair. A lot of students started dropping out of school.”
[CAMERA… CUT to Bill Marvellous’s office. There is a bottle of scotch on his desk. Bill Marvellous is sitting at his desk, a glass of scotch in his hand. He is looking out his office window, staring into nothingness.
CUT to Marvellous in his cell, sitting on his stool, staring into the camera.
MARVELLOUS: “It was during this low ebb that I engaged the services of Harry Howl. And what a blessing he appeared to be. The application of white boards to classrooms was a windfall. And it was Harry who came up with the idea of the Teacher’s Professional Weekends, an escape for teachers away from their students, their wives and children, from the pressures of routine.”
[CAMERA… As Marvellous talks we CUT to scenes in strip bars where bald overweight middle-aged men frolic with young semi-naked women.
CUT to CLOSE-UP of Mavellous’s lips.
MARVELLOUS: “With the expansion of our school supplies, our reputation grew. High society greeted us with open hands and I might humbly add that I fit like a glove. I dined with the educated, with the successful, with the cream of society. I once had dinner at the Granite Club with Mr. Harris himself. The Premier’s Assistant Secretary sat at out table. This was of course before the Assistant Secretary was forced to resign over that bribery nonsense.”
[CAMERA… As Marvellous talks CUT to scene of well-heeled bald overweight middle-aged men dressed in tuxedos applauding a speaker standing behind a podium. Behind the podium there is a huge poster of Citizen Kane, from the Orson Welles film.
CUT to shot of Bill Marvellous standing behind the podium. He speaks.
MARVELLOUS: “Then our days of light descended into darkness. Sandman! Why did I ever become involved with that scoundrel? Harry Howl set up our initial meeting. We met in a little Italian restaurant, Mario’s.”
[CAMERA… CUT to shot of restaurant, resembling the restaurant in the movie, The Godfather, where Al Pacino’s character is discussing peace terms with his father’s would be assassins. Sandman and Howl are sitting at the table eating spaghetti. Marvellous turns in his chair, wipes his mouth with a serviette, and addresses the camera.
MARVELLOUS: “The food at Mario’s is quite exceptional. I confess I have never acquired the skill of eating spaghetti delicately. I ordered a snitzel. I remember being very impressed with the Sandman. He seemed every bit the gentleman, well mannered, charming, confident and erudite. His French was impeccable although it was somewhat wasted on our waiter. The plan, the Sandman Project, was to set up a network of supply teachers who would deliver supplies of marijuana to different high schools throughout the province. Principals in our employ would then pass these packages on to responsible students for distribution. Sandman assured us that the scheme was fool proof. I was skeptical. Harry Howl agreed enthusiastically with the Sandman. I felt foolish holding on so tightly to my customary cautious nature.”
[CAMERA… CUT to Marvellous sitting on his stool in his cell.
MARVELLOUS: “Where was the harm, they argued. Students have appetites like anyone else. Human nature. You might as well convict the Lord himself as to lay blame at our feet. But of course, things turned out differently. I am the poor sinner fallen into bad company.”
END OF SCENE ONE
[CAMERA… Shot of opening title:
FADE to white. CUT to LONG SHOT of prisoners in a small room. There are about half a dozen prisoners filling about half the chairs. There is a white screen, a computer off to one side on a table, and in the middle a projector. Standing by the door is a guard and another gentlemen in a blue suit. Faster looks at the gentleman in the suit. The gentleman nods. Faster smiles and turns to his audience.
FASTER: “Sit up straight now. No slouching! That’s what God must have said before the Big Bang. (Faster is waiting for laughter. There is silence) I call my presentation, Crime doesn’t pay. Not even the minimum age.(Silence) I mean wage. (Silence) That was a joke. (One of the prisoners chuckles.) Okay. Could someone hit the lights.”
A CHRISTMAS CARD FROM
MARVELLOUS EDUCATION SUPPLIES AND SERVICES
FASTER: “This was the Christmas card I got the first year I worked at Marvellous. They said it was in lieu of a Christmas bonus. Bill Marvellous is the one in the Santa outfit. His partner Ron Howl is the elf sitting on his knee. I thought that these guys were my friends. They said that everyone at Marvellous was family. Of course I didn’t believe them. I mean everywhere I’ve worked they spout nonsense about family. The warden has never mentioned anything about family although many of the prisoners are quite close.”
LENIN (THE REVOLUTIONARY) AND
KARL MALONE (THE BASKETBALL PLAYER)
ARM IN ARM
FASTER: “Who (There is laughter) put that in there? That isn’t supposed to be in my presentation.”
PROSTITUTES PRYING THEIR TRADE ALONG
THE STREET IN FRONT OF A MOTEL.
LEWIS IS AMONGST THEM.
HIS CAMERA CREW IS OFF TO ONE SIDE.
FASTER: “This is my motel in Guelph. People in Guelph are very friendly. But the students in my classes were a terror. God, I still have nightmares about them.
ONE OF LEWIS’S CAMERA CREW IS DRESSED UP AS A WOMAN
HOLDING A CUP OF SUGAR LEANING AGAINST THE
DOOR JAM IN THE OPEN DOOR OF FASTER’S MOTEL ROOM.
BEHIND HIM IS A MAN HOLDING A CAMERA ON HIS SHOULDER.
BEHIND THE CAMERMAN IS LEWIS
FASTER: “I made a some friends in the motel. You wouldn’t believe it, but a lot of them weren’t tourists, just people who like living in motels. Janice, the lady with the cup of sugar, became especially friendly. She was suicidal when I first met her. She hated men. But I tried to persuade Janice that all men weren’t creeps. I like to think that I made a difference in her life.”
FASTER SITTING ON THE CURB OF A STREET.
BEHIND HIM A COP RAISES HIS NIGHT STICK.
BEHIND THE POLICEMAN IN THE REFLECTION
OF AN APPLIANCE STORE CAN BE SEEN THE REFLECTION
OF THE CAMERA CREW STANDING ACROSS THE STREET
FASTER: These slides were used as evidence at my trial. I got the permission of the court to use them in this presentation. As you can see from the slide, I was deeply depressed. Not clinically depressed just down in the mouth. That cop there was just clowning around. Really.”
THERE IS A WOMAN IN THE BATHROOM OF
FASTER’S MOTEL ROOM. SHE IS BRUSHING HER TEETH.
BEHIND THE SHOWER CURTAIN A SILHOUETTE
OF SOMEONE WITH A CAMERA CAN BE SEEN
FASTER: “That is Miss Ellery. She was always brushing her teeth. I taught her to floss. (Snickering.) She was basically a good person but no good came to me after I met her.”
FASTER ORDERING DINNER IN A CHINESE RESTAURANT.
AT AN ADJOINING TABLE LEWIS SITS
WITH MEMBERS OF HIS CAMERA CREW.
FASTER: “I had an interesting conversation with the assistant manager of the hotel in Windsor, a chap from Sri Langa. At first I thought he said St. Louis. A very decent man, he seemed to have his share of problems.”
SABU ON AN ELEPHANT
JOHN CLEMENTS FROM THE MOVIE
CARY GRANT IN “GUNGA DIN”
FASTER IN HIS PYJAMAS
FASTER: “Did I say that Mr. Djagera was a decent sort of chap. We really hit it off. He gave me these pyjamas as a gift. He insisted that I try them on. The people from Sri Langa are so friendly. I had a terrible time trying to get him out of my room so I could get some sleep. I guess he didn’t get to talk much to people.”
FASTER: “Windsor is such a beautiful city. They say that on the average a dozen or more people jump to their deaths off this bridge each year. Citizens of Windsor are quite proud of this statistic. They claim that most of the suicides are Americans. Canadians make just as many attempts but are much less successful.”
THE SHORE OF THE DETROIT RIVER. RATS ARE RUNNING ALONG
THE BREAK WATER. BARGES MOVE UP THE RIVER.
BEHIND THEM SMOKE STACKS SPEW OUT GREY YELLOWISH CLOUDS.
FASTER: “In the 19th century Windsor was freedom for many blacks at the end of the Underground Railroad. It is said that few bounty hunters dared cross over to Windsor to retrieve the runaway slaves. No reason is given for this shyness.”
CHRYSLER TRUCK ASSEMBLY PLANT
FASTER: “I couldn’t believe the size of their parking lots. Each person in Windsor must own at least 5 cars. Outside Windsor there are mountains of discarded tires. When it snows in the winter, the university’s downhill ski team use the hills to practice.”
POORLY DISGUISED MEMBERS OF LEWIS’S CAMERA CREW
DRESSED UP AS A MOTORCYCLE GANG
IN FRONT OF THEIR CLUB HOUSE
FASTER: “I was able to get down to the campus of the University of Windsor, cuddled up under the Ambassador Bridge. I caught these Engineering students preparing for one of their notorious Saturday night parties. The country’s future is certainly promising if these young men are any example of our college graduates.”
GAY BEACH WHERE MANY OF THE YOUNG MEN
ARE DRESSED UP AS WOMEN. AMONGST THE GROUP
ARE MEMBERS OF LEWIS’S CAMERA CREW
FASTER: “The faculty of the high school I was supplying for had a staff party at a local beach. Tension between the staff and the other sunbathers resulted in several skirmishes. The police were called in. Arrests were made although they only led to suspended sentences.”
A LOCAL WATERING HOLE. LEWIS IS STANDING BEHIND THE BAR.
HE IS SMILING FOR THE CAMERA.
FASTER: “I was sure I had met this bartender before. He said he had the common man’s face. Still I remained suspicious.”
FASTER SHAKING HANDS WITH THE MAYOR OF THE CITY.
FASTER: “It was quite a shock when I received an audience with his Worship. He told me to give my regards to the Sandman. He seemed very nervous for a man in his position. A reporter from the Windsor Star took this picture. It was front page news. Somehow I was confused with the Ambassador from Sri Langa.”
FASTER IS SITTING AT A DESK, WRITING A CHEQUE.
AYOUNG WOMAN IS STANDING
AT HIS HOTEL ROOM DOOR SMOKING A CIGARETTE.
FASTER: “The young woman in this pic got lost in the hallways. She said that she’d been there for days. I drew a map so that she could find her way back to the lobby.”
FASTER STANDING IN FRONT OF A CLASSROOM.
HE IS HOLDING THE GREAT GATSBY IN HIS HAND.
STANDING BESIDE HIM IS A STUDENT.
THE STUDENT HAS MOCKINGLY PLACED
TWO FINGERS BEHIND FASTER’S HEAD.
FASTER: “This was Reggie. He was a peer helper in the grade 11 I was covering. He thought of himself as a real cut up though I found his humour to be quite sophomoric. Sadly he later became a statistic of the Ambassador Bridge.”
END OF SCENE TWO
[CAMERA… Shot of opening title:
FADE to white. LONG SHOT of class. Faster is sitting on the front part of his desk, addressing a class.
FASTER: “How you think Daisy of The Great Gatsby represents the emergence of the modern American woman?”
[CAMERA… CUT to CLOSE UPS as each student speaks.
[CAMERA… CUT TO MEDIUM SHOT of Faster sitting on desk. He stands up and moves to one side.
FASTER: “Perhaps we could elaborate. Why did Gatsby pursue Daisy? Was it Daisy he was in love with or was it the fantasy of a world she represented to him?”
[CAMERA… CUT to CLOSE UPS as each student speaks.
JACK: “He should have dumped her.”
DYLAN: “After they did the nasty.”
KWAMI: “Definitely after.”
MARIE: “She was married. He should have respected that.”
NATASHA: “But they were in love.”
BENITO: “She didn’t love anything but the bone.”
FRANK: “What a loser he was. He should have smelled her the first time they met.”
DYLAN: “After they did the nasty.”
KWAMI: “Definitely after.”
MARIE: “Marriage is a holy sacrament. Why does anyone write a book like that? Why don’t writers write nice books? Something that makes you feel good?”
DYLAN: “No one would read it. People only want to read about people doing the nasty.”
FRANK: “What was so great about Gatsby? Chasing some skinny stupid bitch when he could have had any bitch he wanted. It don’t make sense.”
NATASHA: “He loved her.”
MARY: “He loved himself. Like all men.”
DYLAN: “What’s that supposed to mean?”
KWAMI: “You dising us?”
MARY: “Like all men, Gatsby was thinking with the wrong head.”
FRANK: “Why are we reading this any how? It’s just a bunch of American propaganda. Like they can do anything they want and the rest of the world are just an audience.”
DYLAN: “Like they’re the only ones who do the nasty. Like they invented it.”
BENITO: “Didn’t they invent sex?”
MARY: “Love knows no borders.”
MARIE: “Americans are always having abortions or getting divorced. You can see it on TV every night.”
FRANK: “Or shooting each other.”
DYLAN: “You got a problem with that?”
MARY: “Things are different here. We have more respect for human life.”
FRANK: “Let’s study a Canadian novel.”
[CAMERA… CUT to MEDIUM SHOT of Faster, his arms folded across his chest. He once again takes a seat on the front of his desk.
FASTER: “Alright. Can anyone suggest a Canadian novel we could study?”
[CAMERA… LONG SHOT from behind Faster at the class. Faster is waiting. The students are looking at Faster. One by one they begin to drop their heads. Several moments pass in silence.
CUT to black
END OF SCENE THREE
[CAMERA… Shot of opening title:
FADE to white. LONG SHOT of shopping street in downtown Detroit. Garbage is strewn along the street. There are people sleeping under cardboard boxes. Many of the shops are boarded up. Others have large steel fences protecting the windows and entrance. In front of one of these abandoned shops a young man in long black hair, tie-dyed shirt, and bell bottoms is selling his wares behind a couple of card tables. The young man is of Vietnamese origins. Faster steps up to his table and examines some of the goods.
VENDER: “How’s it going, man?”
FASTER: “You have a lot of unusual wares on your table?”
VENDER: “Far out, man. You like that samurai sword? Man I give you a deal you wouldn’t believe in a thousand years.”
FASTER: “It’s very attractive.”
VENDER: “Sharp too. No one is going to mess with you.”
FASTER: “Mums does need a proper knife to cut the Sunday roast.”
VENDER: “Far out, man. It’s from Sweden. Can you dig it? Hand crafted by some Viking’s old lady. For you, 8000 thousand man.”
FASTER: “8000 thousand dollars! That seems very excessive.”
VENDER: “8000 rupiahs. Two dollars American. Do you think I look like Dylan?”
FASTER: “Well, I’m not sure. Do people mistake you for him?”
VENDER: “All the time, man. Can you dig it? Except of course he’s like ancient now. But I used to have my hair in an Afro. I really dug that album, The Times They Are a Changing. I loved the sixties. What a groovy time; love-ins, free love, cheap drugs, and patterns. Hendrix, the Doors, and Janis. Those were the days, man. I thought they would never end.”
FASTER: “What are those figures called?”
VENDER: “Wayang, man. They’re for shadow plays. It’s a primitive form of television. My old man told me all about San Francisco, Height-Ashbury, Woodstock. My old man wanted to be a surfer. He really dug the Beach Boys. Him and his buds used to sing Rhonda. Good Vibrations was a classic, man. And the Beatles, they were far out. Loved the White Album. I never saw my old man cry until he heard the news of Lennon’s assassination. He blamed it on Yoko. Said if she hadn’t broken up the Beatles, John would still be alive.”
FASTER: “Was you father a musician?”
VENDER: “Shit no, man. My old man was the Cong. Fought in the Mekong Delta. He had all the Beatles records. Him and his buds used to sing, Yesterday, when they were waiting for the Hueys to show up. Pissed him off when Nixon pulled out the troops. It was hard to get a hold of LPs after that. I love the dances they did in the 60s. My old man taught me the Mash Potato, the Frug, and of course, The Twist.”
[CAMERA… The vender steps out from behind his table. He only has one leg. Starts doing the twist. Loses his balance. Faster catches him. The Vender returns to his place behind his tables.
FASTER: “How did you lose…”
VENDER: “Land mine. After the peace. Friends told my father that he should have sued Nixon. My old man loved Nixon, old flat top. It really bummed him out when Nixon died.”
FASTER: “I’m sorry about your leg.”
VENDER: “It’s cool, man. That accident was my ticket to America. I’m going to be a recording artist like Dylan. Working on my rhyming. You going to take the sword?”
FASTER: “I might have trouble taking it across the border.”
VENDER: “Where you from, man?”
VENDER: “Canada? Where the hell is that?”
END OF SCENE FOUR
[CAMERA… Shot of opening title:
FADE to white. LONG SHOT… David Faster and Lewis are sitting at a table with two young women. A waitress stands beside the table waiting to take their order.
MEDIUM SHOT of two women smiling as Lewis gestures to the waitress.
LEWIS: “What will it be, ladies?”
COLLINE: “Oh goodness. Let me think. Maybe I could have a teensy weensy gin and tonic. Is that alright, Lucy?”
LUCY: “Drink what you want. I’m not your fucking mother.”
LEWIS: “One gin and tonic. And what about you, dear?”
LUCY: “Nothing. Anybody got a fag?”
LEWIS: “You simply must have something, dear.”
COLLINE: “Oh do have something to drink, Lucy. We are having such fun and one little drink won’t hurt. Lucy will have a screwdriver.”
LUCY: “I can speak for myself. I need a fag. Get me a large pack of DuMaurier’s and a screwdriver.”
LEWIS: “A scotch for me. What about you old man?”
FASTER: “Who the hell are you?”
LEWIS: “You don’t remember, old chap. Faster will have a beer. Anything lite.”
[CAMERA… The waitress departs. Lewis moves closer to Colline and puts his arm around her. Colline giggles.
LEWIS: “We shared a cab in Guelph, old chap. You were with that striking Swedish woman.”
[CAMERA… Faster nods. Colline giggles with enthusiasm. Lucy groans at her friend’s enthusiasm. Lewis whispers in Colline’s ear. She giggles.
COLLINE: “You devil. Oh my, you should have heard what Mr. Lewis said.”
LUCY: “I’ll read it in your memoirs.”
FASTER: “You were in women’s underwear.”
COLLINE giggles: “Did you hear that, Lucy?”
LEWIS: “Real estate. I’m in real estate.”
FASTER: “Well, I don’t remembering asking you to join me at my table.”
LEWIS: “You looked terribly lonely. You looked like you needed company. And hell, there were three of us.”
COLLINE: “I’ve always wondered what the real meant in real estate? Is there unreal estate?”
LEWIS: “A philosopher.”
FASTER: “I am not lonely. I would like to be left alone. It’s been a long day. So please take your party to another table.”
LUCY: “What do you do for a living, Mr. Faster?”
COLLINE: “Do you believe that we are being visited by extra-terrestrials? My ex-brother-in-law told me he met one. He’s a television repairman. My ex-brother-in-law that is. His name is Jack.”
FASTER: “I’m a supply teacher.”
LUCY: “You teach teenagers. Now, that’s a frightening thought.”
COLLINE: “The alien was trying to steal cable for free off his neighbour’s line. Jack set him straight.”
LEWIS: “What do you ladies do when you’re not entertaining the troops?”
FASTER: “I don’t want to sound rude but I’d appreciate it if you’d take your party elsewhere.”
COLLINE giggling: “We’re models. We’re doing a car show. We stand in front of new model automobiles and look pretty. It can be very taxing. Lucy was originally a singer.”
COLLINE: “You mustn’t mind Lucy. She’s been to college.”
FASTER: “I went to college too. I studied archeology for three years before I found out that I’m allergic to dust.”
LEWIS laughs: “Allergic to dust! Allergic to death I’d say. Very good, Faster.”
COLLINE: “Isn’t that sad? Don’t you think so, Lucy?”
LEWIS: “Don’t you think that Colline has a lovely mouth, Faster? Lips like Pamela Lee Anderson. Pouty. They say that Pamala Lee could suck an egg through a straw. Imagine the possibilities.”
FASTER: “I knew a girl at college who could take the caps off beer bottles with her teeth. You’re changing the topic. Perhaps I should leave.”
LUCY: “She must have been handy at parties.”
COLLINE: “Lucy has a wonderful voice. You should hear her in the shower?”
LEWIS grins and winks: “Is that an invitation?”
LUCY: “I used to be able to sing. My voice got fucked up by bar smoke.”
COLLINE: “Lucy sang backup for Joe Cocker.”
LEWIS: “I believe this is your round, old chap.”
FASTER: “My round? I don’t even want you here.”
LEWIS: “Come now, old chap. Don’t be a wet blanket.”
[CAMERA… The waitress brings their drinks and Lucy’s cigarettes. Lucy grabs the cigarettes and lights one up before Lewis can lean across the table with his lighter. Faster pays the waitress.
LEWIS: “It’s ironic that you should be in show business. I have a few connections in that area. Perhaps I could make some phone calls.
COLLINE: “Oh that would be wonderful.”
FASTER: “What did you study in college?”
LEWIS in an aside to Faster: “Good form, old chap. Engage the birds in small talk.”
COLLINE: “We’ve been on our feet all day. Hope you don’t mind if I slip off my shoes. All we want to do is get horizontal.”
LEWIS: “What a coincidence!”
COLLINE giggles: “You devil! Isn’t he funny, Lucy?”
LUCY: “A million laughs. I could use another drink.”
[CAMERA… Lewis gets the waitress’s attention and gestures to her for another round.
FASTER: “It’s none of my business, but you seem very bitter, Lucy.”
LUCY: “You’re right. It’s none of your business.”
FASTER: “You’ve been hurt by men.”
LUCY: “There’s a news flash!”
COLLINE: “Let’s not get into that, shall we Lucy? We’re having such a grand time. It’s too bad they don’t have a piano here. Lucy could give us a song.”
[CAMERA… The waitress shows up with their drinks. As soon as Lucy receives her drink, she finishes it off and nudges the waitress for another. Lewis elbows Faster and winks. Faster pays. Lucy lights up a new cigarette off her old cigarette, then grinds out the old cigarette into the ashtray.
COLLINE: “I have a theory. Life is like a department store. You’re on a floor, maybe hardware or electronics. When you die, you go up an escalator to the next floor, maybe home furnishings.”
LEWIS: “What’s on the top floor?”
COLLINE: “That’s the toy department. When you get there it’s Christmas time and you get to meet Santa Claus.”
LUCY: “Just what I need, another man.”
FASTER: “Holidays, especially Christmas, make me feel lonely.”
COLLINE: “I love vulnerable men.”
LUCY: “As long as they pay the rent.”
FASTER: “Sometimes it seems too much. God, it’s getting late. I should hit the sack.”
LEWIS: “I’m sensitive too. When I was a boy, I had a cat.”
COLLINE: “I love pussys.”
LEWIS: “A truck ran over it.”
COLLINE: “Oh dear.”
LEWIS: “Flat as a pancake. We had to bury it in an envelope.”
[CAMERA… Colline gasps. Lucy breaks out laughing. The waitress brings her another drink. Lewis nudges Faster. Faster pays.
COLLINE giggles: “You are an awful man! A dangerous man! I like danger. It makes life so… dangerous.”
[CAMERA… Lucy leans over toward Faster and whispers in his ear.
LUCY: “Let me see it.”
FASTER: “Excuse me?”
LUCY whispers: “I’m going to see it eventually tonight. So take it out now. Give me a preview.”
COLLINE: “What are you saying, dear?”
LUCY: “He won’t show it to me.”
FASTER: “I have to get up early tomorrow morning.”
COLLINE: “When Lucy gets a little drunk she loses control of her tongue.”
LEWIS: “That sounds promising. Maybe we should have another round.”
FASTER: “I really must go. You folks stay and have fun. I don’t want to spoil the party.”
LUCY: “I was just joking for Christ’s sake.”
COLLINE: “Don’t get drunk, Lucy. You know how you’ll feel tomorrow.”
LUCY: “Do you get lonely? Sometimes I feel like I could die with the ache inside me.”
FASTER: “I don’t know about that. I’d better go.”
LUCY: “I think I’m going to be sick.”
COLLINE: “Quick, hand me the ashtray!”
[CAMERA… Lucy throws up in the ashtray. Faster jumps to his feet. Lewis screws up his face in disgust.
LEWIS: “Somebody had mussels for dinner.”
END OF SCENE FIVE
[CAMERA… Shot of opening title:
FADE to white. LONG SHOT of small office in The Constellation Hotel in Windsor where David Faster is speaking with a small brown man, Mr. Djagera. Mr. Djagera maintains a smile on his face at all times. At times his hands come together as if he were praying. He is wearing a Nehru suit.
MEDIUM SHOT of the two men.
DJAGERA: “Happy, Mr Faster. Those were my exact instructions from Mr. Sandman. Make Mr. Faster happy! What a wonderful goal in life. It is what I love about my job, Mr. Faster. I am able to make people happy. I trust that I have not failed. It is not realistic to speak of happiness in absolute terms so let us substitute the word comfortable for happy. Make Mr. Faster comfortable! Are you comfortable, Mr. Faster?”
DJAGERA: “Quite? You are not inclined toward very? Quite is a fine word but very is so dynamic.”
FASTER: “Fine. I have been treated very fine.”
DJAGERA: “Wonderful. Fine is such a mannered response. It makes one feel satisfied with one’s efforts. Fine is a word for those moments of intimacy. It is not a word for public duty. How about wonderful? Wonderful fills a room.”
[CAMERA… CUT to a MEDIUM SHOT of Faster and Mr. Djargera walking down a hallway of the hotel.
DJAGERA: “Not too much noise?”
FASTER: “No. Of course not. Well, a bit noisy. I have noticed that there does seem to be some traffic in the hallways late in the evening.”
DJAGERA: “Yes, I understand. You don’t mind me saying… David. May I call you David, Mr. Faster?”
FASTER: “Please do.”
[CAMERA… CUT to an elevator into which Faster and Mr. Djagera are entering.
DJAGERA: “You don’t mind me pointing out, David, that a quiet hotel is a hotel with financial difficulties. It is my sworn duty to maintain the hotel’s bottom line.”
[CAMERA… CUT to the kitchen through which Mr. Djagera and Faster are walking.
DJAGERA: “I tell Mrs. Djagera that the bottom line sometimes must be sacrificed to the comfort of our guests. But, Mrs. Djagera reminds me, Mr. Djagera, you have your duty to the hotel.”
FASTER: “I understand.”
[CAMERA… CUT to linen closet into which Faster and Mr. Djagera have entered.
DJAGERA: “Call me, Eddie, please.”
DJAGERA: “It is good that you understand, David. I like that in a young man. It is so refreshing. So many of our young people refuse to take the time to understand. They are so stubborn.”
[CAMERA…. Mr. Djagera and Faster notice that there is nowhere to walk in the linen closet so they exit from the same door into which they had entered the room.
CUT to a small shop in the hotel that sells various items. Faster buys a map. Mr. Djagera purchases some cigarettes.
DJAGERA: “They talk about social injustice in the same breath as they complain about room service. Our youth is so discontented. And inconsistent. What is to become of our young people, David?”
[CAMERA… CUT to the dining room where Faster and Mr. Djagera are sitting at a table drinking tea.
DJAGERA: “My son and two daughters are young people. They are so inconsistent! It worries me, David. It robs me of so many hours of sleep. I am up all night. Mrs. Djagera worries that it is my prostrate.”
[CAMERA… CUT to a washroom where Faster is standing at a urinal. Mr. Djagera is standing before a mirror examining his teeth.
DJAGERA: “Two of my uncles died of the prostrate. But I tell Mrs. Djagera, Mrs. Djagera, it is our children that keep me up at night, not the prostrate. But, I must not burden you, David, with my troubles.”
FASTER: “Do you mind if I ask you a few questions, Eddie?”
[CAMERA… CUT to a small garden outside the hotel where Faster stands watching Mr. Djagera weeding.
DJAGERA: “That would please me very much, David. That is what I am here for. Ask your questions, please.”
FASTER: “Where do most of your guests come from?”
DJAGERA: “Mostly they come through the front doors.”
[CAMERA… CUT to hallway in the hotel where Faster and Mr. Djagera are walking.
FASTER: “Excuse me.”
[CAMERA… CUT to an elevator into which Faster and Mr. Djagera have entered.
DJAGERA: “That was a joke, David.”
FASTER: “A joke. Yes, I understand.”
DJAGERA: “You understand but you did not laugh. I do not tell jokes well.”
[CAMERA… CUT to kitchen through which Faster and Mr. Djagera are walking.
FASTER: “No, no, Eddie. It was very funny. I have trouble understanding jokes. It is my fault.”
DJAGERA: “You are most kind, David, but I know my limitations. Mrs. Djagera tells me that I should not attempt to be funny. Mr. Djagera, she says, I love you very much but you do not tell jokes well. I am a man of many limitations. But to get back to your question, and it was a very good question…”
[CAMERA… CUT to a linen closet into which Faster and Mr. Djagera have entered. They look at each other and depart.
CUT to the hotel bar through which they walk.
DJAGERA: “There are a large number of locals who frequent our rooms. We also have many Japanese tourists. The Japanese male is very attracted to the Canadian female. Why this is so, I cannot say. We also have many Americans. And there are some visitors from the British Isles. They seem very enthusiastic in the bar. They love their cricket which I confess to having…”
[CAMERA… CUT to a washroom where Mr. Djagera is standing at a urinal while Faster stands before a mirror flossing his teeth.
DJAGERA: “… a weakness for. Last year we had a bus load of Germans from Stuttgart. Have you ever been to Stuttgart, David?”
FASTER: “No, I have never been to Germany.”
[CAMERA… CUT to a small garden outside the hotel where Mr. Djagera stands watching Faster weeding.
DJAGERA: “I would like to visit Stuttgart some day. It sounds like such a cruel name for a city. Perhaps it is the opposite. The Germans were very noisy and very hard on our furniture. All that fist banging. Did I mention that we get a lot of Americans? They are a very serious group. I thought Americans liked to laugh, but I was wrong. I am wrong about many things, David. It is one of my limitations.”
[CAMERA… CUT to hallway in the hotel where Faster and Mr. Djagera are marching like soldiers.
DJAGERA: “We had a Russian as a guest. A very amusing fellow. He stayed for ten years. He was a writer. Wrote those cowboy novels. Sometimes he would walk around the lobby in a cowboy hat, six shooters, cowboy boots and spurs. He was very hard on the carpeting. I have one of his books. He autographed it for me. One day he disappeared.”
FASTER: “What do you know about the Sandman?”
[CAMERA… CUT to the kitchen through which Faster and Mr. Djagera are walking.
DJAGERA: “Concerning that matter, I know nothing. It is not wise to know anything about Mr. Sandman. He is a man who places a great premium on his privacy. The Russian asked questions about Mr. Sandman and he was forced to leave the hotel.”
[CAMERA… CUT to Mr. Djagera’s small office where Faster is standing while Mr. Djagera is sitting behind his desk.
FASTER: “Forced to leave?”
DJAGERA: “Yes. Out a twelfth floor window.”
END OF SCENE SIX
[CAMERA… Shot of opening title:
MAKING BUSINESS PROPOSALS
FADE to white. CUT to LONG SHOT of the offices of Marvellous Educational Supplies and Services. Bill Marvellous sits behind his desk smoking a large cigar. Paul Man is sitting opposite him, slouched in his chair, one leg slung over the arm of the chair, his foot reaching the floor. He is smoking a cigarette. The cigarette looks miniscule in his huge hands.
MAN: “So, whatdya think, old man? Sounds great doesn’t it? Genova Learning Tools and Marvellous Educational Supplies and Services in bed together. We get the left side. I can’t sleep on the right. You ever consider changing your name? How about Marvellous Rules and Pencils? Nice ring to it, don’t you think, old man?”
MARVELLOUS: “They call me Mr. Marvellous.”
MAN: “I’ll bet they do, old man. What’s it going to be?”
MARVELLOUS: “In a manner as serious as this, I must consult with my colleagues.”
MAN: “What’s there to consider?”
MARVELLOUS: “You are a young man, sir. You have all the enthusiasm of youth but unfortunately you also have youth’s impatience. Everything in it’s own time.”
MAN: “You’re muscling into our territory, old man. I’m the one whose being patient. We could have discussed this in the street but we thought we’d give you the courtesy of peaceful negotiations. Don’t jack me around, old man. I don’t like to be jacked around.”
MARVELLOUS: “What do you mean by territories?”
MAN: “We control everything west of London. All the way down to Windsor. It’s an unwritten law that has kept the peace for generations. No one wants to hit the water beds. That’s a joke.”
MARVELLOUS: “Yes, very humorous. I must discuss this with my associates.”
MAN: “Tomorrow at noon.”
MARVELLOUS: “I’ll need more time than that, sir.”
MAN: “Look, old man. I don’t sleep well. Sometimes I don’t sleep at all. Anything passed 3 o’clock and I become very irritable. The last time someone raised my ire, I twisted his head off like the cap off a jar of orange marmalade.”
MARVELLOUS: “Yes, marmalade.”
MAN: “I am the personal representative of Genova. Hell, I’ve got my own business cards. I’ve come to you with a fair and generous proposition. You think about that. You think about it real good. You sleep on it. I won’t be sleeping. I’ll be waiting. At Genova’s we don’t make threats; we make promises.”
[CAMERA… CUT to a close up of Bill Marvellous’s eyes. They are twitching.
CUT to shot of a hotel window where a cowboy is suddenly thrown out.
FREEZE shot of cowboy in mid-air.
CUT to CLOSE UP of Paul Man grinning with a cigarette in his mouth. Suddenly he starts to cough.
CUT to black.
END OF SCENE SEVEN
END OF FOURTH EPISODE